Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Soaw happy!

Every tahm ah wraht, ah have beeyig neews!

Mah bose, who ah HATE WITH AWL MAH BLACK AND SHRIVELED UP HEART, eeyis quitting! After awl the tahms ah reported her to her bose, said she was a po-wer manager, said that she ignored me, refused to do mah work, and toald her ah hated her (true!), mah dreams have come true!!

And ah had a beeyig part eeyin her resignation. Apparently they were goan to fahr her based own the stuff ahve been complaining about! Ah have such pawr. Me and mah wone freeyind up here, ah mean. Ahm thinking she pulled some strangs.

Ahm soaw happy!

Ah mean, ah was. And then ah realahzed that her bose, who is 400,000 tahms meaner than mah bose, would noaw be mah new bose. This made me sad for awhahl, but then ah remembered that that gurl ah hate, the one whose name rahms with Callie, her new bose was this mean lady tew.

This goes aloang with mah personal credo: cut owf your nose to spaht your face, cawse at least when you're wawking around with no nose, you knoaw that you ruined someone's lahf, even though it sucks that you'll never smell anything again.

Eeyit's worth eeyit! Eeyit's totally, totally worth eeyit!

Ah mean, ah think soaw.

Oh! Eeyin other news, ah got a lot of emails at work asking what the fuck was up with mah newest display cayiss. Soaw ah decided that it would be a contest and ah invahted the whole building to guess the theme! Ah just hope ah can think wone up by then.

Monday, July 11, 2005

HONGRY LAHK THE WOLF!

Goad, eeyit's bin soaw loang.

Ah haven't written much becaws ever since ah found out ah couldn't stay at hoame and attend the University of Phoenix ownlahn, ah've been kahnd of down. But theeyis weekend, ahm goan to see mah favorite bayind of awl tahm: DURAN DURAN!!

Yeeyis, ahm a Duranie. Sahmoan LeBone is FAHN. When ah think about heeyim ah make that sound effect lahk ahm sucking speeyit back into mah mouth lahk ahve been drooling a lot.

Mah freeyind keeps cawling me and we lahk to beeyitch about having shitty tickets. Ah mean, THAT'S AWL WE TAWK ABOUT. But ahve been own the phoan a lot lately tawking to mah moam about awl mah diseases. Mah favorite thing to dew is to cawl her and tell her ahve just had diarrhea. You'd be saprahzed at how oafen ah do thayit!

Ah have a new display cayis own the way! Ah started putting stuff in it, but, uh, ah cain't tell if there's a theme yet.

P.S. Ah went the whoal weekend without warshing mah hair! You should see it today. Ah look especially disheveled. Ah was thinking about goan to one of those hurricane shelters and getting me some free mac-n-cheese--ah could easily pass for hoam-leyiss!