Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Ah joast thote ahd shoaw yawl a picture owf mah husband to be!


Hey yole!

Ahm bayick frome mah seeyick leave! And ahm feeling saissy.

Wail, ah haive a new supervahsor. THAYIT SUCKS. Ahm ploatting a way to get heeyim eeyin trowble. Ahm thinking owf theeyis: mah plahyin eeyis to note do anything, wheeyich weeyill reflect poworly own heeyim. LOL Ahm a genius!

Eeyin a meeting this moarning ah toald mah new supervahsor--heeyis nayim eeyis Rone--that ah expected to git fahred soon.

He sayid, "That's not a very good attitude."

I sayid it agane for mowore emphasis. "Ahll probably be fahred soon," ah said. "Ahd probably mayik mowore moeney own unemployment."

He sayid, "You're probably right."

Ahm hoping thayit he catches mah dreeyift and fahres me. Kin you git unemployment eeyif you quiyit your jobe? Ah remember an episode of Alice whar Alice quits own awl the waittresses' behayif and Flo was peeyissed! Know what she sayid? Kiss mah greeyits!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Steeyull uhlahve!

Ahm soary ah haven't poasted, but ahve been out seeyick. Ah mean, rale seeyick. Ah hade some owperashone whar they cut eento mah brayeen. Ah caint remember what eeyits cawled. Lobe something? Lobe-buttamy? Soamthing lahk thayit.

Noaw, note really. Ah heard abowt wone oaf those owperashones, though. Ah kahnd oaf wont wone.


Ahll be bayick soon, ah pro-miss, unlays ah fand another jobe.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Listen, yawl, ah gote a proablem.

Own Tuesday, ah was seeyick owf the sheeyit ate mah woark. Seeyick owf eeyit!! Soaw ah went hoame seeyick ate lonch. Then ah cawled eeyin seeyick Wednesday, an Thursday, an today. Ah couldn't exakely comb back own a Frahday, could ah?

But ah theeyink when ah comb back own Monday ahm goan tew be eeyin troeble.

Ah have been doon some real stupid sheeyit up here, but ahm note sure eeyif ah should tale you yet. MORE LATER lol

Friday, September 09, 2005

Ah Knoaw Yew Were Woaried.

Ah am soaw sorey ah haven't poasted tew let yawl knoaw ahm oakay!

Ahm sure yew were awl worried that ahd been swept away eeyin the stoworm. Noaw, ah wasn't swept away, but ah have suffered daymage. Wone, some of mah famely eeyis stayin with me. Two, mah car was slightly dented bah a tree limb! Peeyity me! Send me yer Red Crose donations! Ah promise ah will seying them tew the raht place.

Ever since the stoworm, ah have bin eeyin a really bade mood. AH MEAN REALLY BADE. At work, ah have decided thayit ah suffered tew much daymage tew work and have been seeyiting and starring at mah computer screen.

When mah supervahsor asks me whah ah haven't completed theeyis totally bollsheeyit task she gave me, ah tale her eeyit'll be doan today. Then ah goaw baik to starring at mah screen. Then ah sah loudly and cawl mah moam and tell her about mah latest treeyip to the bathe room.

Also, the girl that ah hate gote me eeyin trouble. Sure, ah was messing with her woark and writing own eeyit as eeyif ah aim her supervahsor, but thayt was no reason to tale own me.

Ah weeyish she gote hurricained.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Mah Freeyind Bobe!

Weeyill, ahm steeyill own mah quest for a baiter jobe.

Bah "quest" ah mean, ahm sittin arowund and complayinin about how much eeyit sucks at mah jobe and note actually applahyin for jobes -- becaws that wode take effort!

Ah just tawked tew mah friend Bobe up here, he eeyis soaw nahs. He's pretty much the ownly wone who stops tew speak tew me eeyin the moarning! (Theeyis could be becaws ah complained tew his supervahsor that he never stopped to speak to me -- but who cares, eeyit woarked!)

Ah was talelin Bobe about how much eeyit sucks, and how ahd raither be a substitute teacher than woark here. He's so nahs -- he encouraged me to dew eeyit! Actually, he encouraged me tew dew anything pose-ible tew git out of here! He really lahks me and wonts me tew be happy!

Even when ah was keeyiddin about how ah was goan to becomb a prostitute, Bobe encouraged me tew go for eeyit (sometahms he's note so braht). That's actually kahnd oaf werd noaw that ah think about eeyit. huh. lol

Eeyin oather news, ah just took mah temperature and eeyit's 97.0 degrees. Ah keep mah thermoameter up here at woark just eeyin cayis ah git real seeyick and need tew goaw hoam.

Weyill, ah theeyink ah better cawl mah moam and tell her about mah latest bowel moavement -- eeyit's mah favorite part oaf the day (hers tew!).

Ah hope mah moam doan't ever dah.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Mah Loang Toang!

Ah loave a stayiff meeting. Yew knoaw whah?

Becawse everywone loaves me! And they loave listening toaw me tawk! So ah just tawk tawk tawk and the reason noaw wone laughs is that they caint becawse we are eeyin a meeting.

Toaday ah knoacked mahself out with mah antics. Ah pretended to keeyick mah bose's chayir and when the meeting speaker man sayid something about poe-wer customer service, ah pointed to the back of her haid.

Also, becaws ah am a genius, ah kept muttering funny theeyings about mah woarkplace! Lahk "theeyis place sucks" and "we ain't goat no customer service here" and stuff. Ah am conefident that mah supervisor couldn't hair me, even though she turned around and gave me a look a cople tahms.

At the beginning oaf the meeting, ah sayid something soaw funny that ah haid to stick mah toang out eeyin delaht! Mah toang eeyis very raid and loang. Ah naiver noticed how loang eeyit was befower today. Ahm goan to enter a loang toang cone-test! Ah bet ahd weeyin!

Friday, August 12, 2005


Ahm havin a nervous brayikdayoon!

Ah have soaw much work tew dew! An ah am seriously reconsiderin mah whoale plote to get reed of mah bose. Ah have doan a terrible thing.

Befower, ah had awl the tahm eeyin the world to read ownlahn about mah diseases an play mah ownlahn gayims. But noaw, mah new supervahsor makes me woark!

And the wurst part eeyis thayat she keeps correcting me when ah fuck up! Which eeyis every day! Yesterday ah gote cawled eeyin tew her oh-fis TWAHCE for messing stuff up. Thiyis moarnin she has already been own me. Ah hate theeyis place!

But ah am looking for anoather jobe. Ah keep cawling places, an ah doan't qualifah foar the jobes. Then I hang up, cawl mah moam, and complain that thoase places are racist becaws they doan't wont me. Ah noaw eeyif ah was a different coeler ah wouldn't have theeyis probelem. The world eeyis out to git me. First, ah gote awl mah diseases, and noaw ah have to woark hard instead of sitting own mah behind awl day. It's NOTE FAIR.